Chrisco Spins

So, apparently, I’m a dude. My two good friends Marcel and Ced came to this conclusion a couple of weeks ago, and I can’t really argue with them any longer.

See, what had happened was, I’ve been hanging out with a girl from work. She happens to be a gorgeous, busty lesbian with great hair. I happen to wear little make-up, and punctuate my sentences with rap slang. Now, according to everyone we know, she is my girlfriend. Word up, son.

Don’t get me wrong. I dig this girl. She’s a beautiful person, and I really do enjoy her company. She’s got great taste in music, a giving, passionate nature, and she smells like summertime. If things were different, sure, she could totally have my sperm-donated babies. Problem is, I’m not gay. (more…)

I’m not angry, just disappointed. I tell this to my son all the time. When he does something that he knows better than. When he doesn’t display the intelligence that we both know is there. When he thumbs his nose at family rules he can recite on demand.

Her New York Magazine photo shoot shows just how much Lindsay Lohan misses disappointment. (more…)

A couple days ago I wrote a Dear Mike letter here on Chrisco Spins. In it, I wondered why Mike Huckabee continued running when the very laws of mathematics conspired against him. Today, the answers appeared as if spoken from God. Actually they were spoken from a very cynical co-worker who sits next to me. But I digress.

Mike Huckabee (and as trends currently stand, Hillary Clinton) is hoping to stay in the race until his opponent dies. Perhaps Mike is better at math than I gave him credit for. (more…)

Let’s not get into the particulars of how and why I came to be alone in an uninhabited house on a Tuesday morning. Suffice it to say that my recent interest in home-ownership has led me to resume a nasty old habit… breaking and entering. Hey, I like to look before I buy. Don’t judge me!

Anyway, I’m almost totally reformed! My current guilty pleasure now consists solely of leading myself on a solo tour of any empty house I find with a “For Sale” sign in the yard. If I find one I really like, I check on it more than once. On this particular Tuesday, I was visiting my current sweetheart, a 3br/2ba brick ranch with a huge back yard and its original hardwood floors. I had visited this home 4 or 5 times in the last couple of weeks, and I drove by it every other day.

You have to understand. She was beautiful. Real oak molding, marble countertops, so-sexy-you-don’t-want-to-spit-in-them Moen sinks… I couldn’t stay away. Luckily, the contractor had left the side door unlocked and didn’t seem to come by often, so I soon forgot all about the questionable legality of my hobby and began courting her outright. (more…)

I notice on the bottom of this blog that there is a place where the kind citizens of the world can donate money to support this project. I THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!!! I am desperate not to work and do what I am currently doing and begin a separate project. I can elaborate on that project but now is not the time, so back to point, donate. I think if everyone gave a little they would get a little… it’s my motto. Good cheer is really something that tastes best after a good donation to the Kathleen Parish Fund. You can stand tall and know you made a difference. MAKE A DIFFERENCE PEOPLE!!!