Chrisco Spins

So what Ashley Dupri was a hooker? There are a lot of women who are hookers. Many of them don’t even have the decency to be upfront about it. Anyone who’s been to an NBA All-Star weekend can co-sign on that.

As a life-long hip-hop fan, what truly condemns her to me is her terrible taste in music. Aspiring musician my ass. Take a listen to this video that she starred in. (more…)

I’ve seen a lot of things while driving down the highway. Atlanta is a car-centric city. No one walks. If you want to go next door to borrow a cup of sugar, you drive. But today I saw something I’ve never seen before.

As I was getting on the highway, I glanced in my rearview mirror. What I saw was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. I saw a woman pour cereal into a bowl, add milk, and then proceed to eat her bowl of cereal while she drove down the interstate.

Now I can do a lot of things while driving. I can Blackberry 50 words-per-minute, I can talk on my cell phone while scrolling through songs on my iPod, I can even do all that while buckling my son’s seat-belt for him. But I don’t think I could pull off eating a bowl of cereal. That seems nuts even for me.

So kudos to the young woman who managed to eat her Honeycombs while driving down I-85. She is uniquely talented and I think a bit touched in the head. Of course since I spent a good five minutes watching her in the rearview mirror, maybe I’m the one who should have been paying attention to the road. But let’s not nit-pick.

If you’ve turned on a television, radio, or computer today then you probably know New York Governor Eliot Spitzer got caught in a prostitution sting. I’d like to tell you why I don’t care about that.

Eliot Spitzer did a lot of good for a lot of people as New York Attorney General. He took on all kinds of big corporate nasties and we’re all better off for his efforts. Despite that record, he’s proven an utter failure as governor of New York. I don’t care and I’m not offended that he occasionally sleeps with very well-paid prostitutes. I absolutely care and am offended by his incredible ineptness during his first year in office. Simply put, he’s been an awful governor.

Puzzle me this… why is prostitution illegal, but porn can be picked up at any corner gas station? Both involve people paying for sex. If Gov. Spitzer had filmed himself sleeping with the prostitute and distributed the tape under the Vivid or Girls Gone Wild brand, he would have been in the legal clear and made another million dollars. As it stands, he’s expected to resign in disgrace.

Moral of the story: Governor, you’re rich and famous, next time call up Kim Kardashian. I hear she’s always available.

A few weeks back, Julian broke it down for me. I’m in my early 30s. That means that most of the women my age are married. In a couple years, most of them will be getting divorced. He calls that my next window for happy coupledom. So don’t take this the wrong way, but I can’t wait for your relationship to flop.

Don’t hate me. This isn’t an awful thing to say. Most of the dope women got snapped up within a few years of high-school or college. It’s like any other commodity. When the new supply comes online, it goes fast. Hell, I still can’t catch a Nintendo Wii at the store. This is the same principle. A few years from now, I’ll be able to grab that Wii for $7.99 at the swap meet. Who knows, maybe I’ll pick up wifey on the same trip.

As if slavery, segregation, and Jim Crow weren’t enough to stain our country, today I read about Black Dog Syndrome. Here the Democratic party is trying its guilt-ridden best to nominate a black man for President, while the rest of you are passing by the black dogs at the pound.

These poor animals are relegated to having pink and blue ribbons tied around their necks to appeal to the canine racists among you. You might as well put them in cat-face and make them sing the Meow Mix jingle.

Don’t plead your innocence! I see how you look at me and my black Daschund when we’re walking in the park. Don’t pretend like the reason you’re looking is that a grown-ass man is walking the world’s tiniest dog. I know what’s really going on in your head.

You all disgust me!

I don’t care what anybody says… George W. Bush is getting more fun by the day. Now that no one is paying any attention to what he does or says, he’s letting his inner frat boy run the whole shop. And I love him for it.

Our president is still a royal idiot, but at least now he’s entertaining. Did you see him endorsing McCain today? If you didn’t you missed a great bit of political comedy. He actually forgot he wasn’t in the frat house for a minute. In the middle of the reporter Q&A, Bush stopped everything and yelled for Wolf Blitzer:

“Wolf, where’s Wolf? No, I’m not calling you. Wolf! No, not you either. Where’s Wolf?”

“Right here,” Wolf answered finally.

To which Bush replied, “Well, ask something, will you?” It was high comedy.

Like I said, Bush is still the town dunce. He’s got a good share of months left to wreck the country and the world. But at least he’s entertaining me now. His lame duck year is going to be nuts.

For millions and millions of people, malaria is a terrifying and often deadly disease. But now college kids, aspiring actors, and random homeless folks can make disease pay. (more…)

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A new bill at the state level would require a DNA test to prove the paternity of every baby born in Tennessee.

Wow, making it hard for all the bitches down in the volunteer state.  Now I know, next time I want to frame a potential baby daddy, it won’t be in Tennessee.

A little background on Papa Jo Jones:
All About Jazz, Drummer World, Jazz Times

Let me be the first to wish Hillary Clinton a happy exit from the Democratic primary fight. I know she hasn’t dropped out yet. But the Texas polls have widened and the Ohio polls have narrowed, both in Barack Obama’s favor. So Hillary… in the immortal words of Russell Simmons… “thanks for coming out, God bless, good night.” (more…)